What I Wish I Could E-mail to My Professor

Apparently, you thought my emails were asking for "special treatment." I think we both may have misunderstood each other.

For the hw solutions, I meant for the entire class. I know others have asked you this before, and for whatever reason you always refuse, but I had thought I'd give it a shot on behalf of THE ENTIRE CLASS. It's really difficult to study one's homework for the test when you have no idea if any of it is correct or not because it isn't actually graded. And it would save you some time to just make a solution and hand it out rather than to spend an hour with every person who has questions, which has to be at least 15.

For the handout, I was there that day. I wasn't absent and expecting you to deal with what I missed; I WAS THERE. I didn't see anyone with a handout, and it never made it over to my part of the room, and you said something about emailing it, so I assumed that you hadn't handed it out in class. Next time I will be sure to interrupt class and make a big deal out of it while you are trying to teach, instead of trying to be polite. And when I emailed you could have just said, I handed it out in class, you must not have gotten one…rather than assuming that I wasn't there.

For the office hours, if wanting to meet outside of your scheduled office hours is "special treatment," then I and every other student I know get said "special treatment" from every other professor I have ever had--they are willing to compromise to find a mutually agreeable time for both parties. As it turns out, during lunch will work for me--I will simply take a late lunch today and come down there to ask about homeworks 4 and 5, since I have no idea if they are right or not because they aren't actually graded. Thank you for offering hours outside of after class.

As for the repeated emails, I was freaking out because the homework was due and you wouldn't even respond to a simple request to email a handout that either because the people in our class are morons and didn't pass it around, or because there just weren't enough of, I didn't receive in class. It would have taken you less than 30 seconds, because you already emailed it to the people in Savannah. Personally I think that is very immature, but so is being so passive-aggressive about this whole thing as to say everything that you wanted to say to ME in front of the whole class so that there was no way that I could respond, clarify, or defend myself. (You know, that rant about people asking for "special treatment" and sending you too many ridiculous emails and all that).

You are not the only one who doesn't have time for this shit. I have been doing this for three years while I work a full time job. I just want to do well in your class and learn from it, but you are making that extremely difficult with your immature passive-aggressive bullshit.

P.S. All of your superiors will be receiving an email from me after I graduate from this hell hole. You are hands down the WORST professor I've ever had...and I've been in school for EIGHT. YEARS.

Sorry for the Hiatus

I just can't. I feel like I'm clawing my way to graduation; hanging on by fingernails. Plus, I'm not myself, and haven't been, REALLY, for almost three years. I'm usually happy, chill, fun...NOT anxious, cranky, stressed, tired.

I will get there. One month, 28 days.

Slogging Through

I'm almost done. I'm almost done. This I repeat to myself EVERY DAY because I still really despise school. It doesn't help that the professor this time is one of the worst I've ever had--I learn more from the book than from him, and going to class is pointless other than to brownnose. Which I hate. But I go anyway, because I can do ANYTHING for 2 more months, three and a half more weeks.

But OH MY GOD I can't wait for life to begin again. I can't wait to come home and feel like it's okay to clean my house, okay to do laundry, okay to cook--because there's not anything in the world that I SHOULD do, and I can just do what needs to be done and what I want to do.

Part of me wants to sell the house (we owe 183k, it's worth around 230k--CONSERVATIVELY, and if you take out the realtor fees and capital gains, we'd have around 35,000 bucks. Consider that Zillow and our realtor--also our friend--think that we could get 240k even in this market, and wow that is a lot of money)...and then get a cheap RV or trailer for the back of a truck and travel around working at state parks for a few years. Haha. Probably not going to happen, but it's fun to dream, right?

Here's to hunkering down and not looking up till I'm done. And I am SO very grateful that it is almost DONE.

And by the way, I am going to wear a Georgia Bulldogs T-shirt under my graduation robe. That is how much I dislike my school. Amen. ;) (And no, I will not be blatant about it...it will just be there, and I will know it, and it will make me happy because that is the place that is closest to my heart. Yes, I'm cheesy, why do you ask?)

Over and out.

Random Thoughts

I've been more spendy lately. I broke down and bought clothes in Savannah (me, mom, and sister went for Memorial Day weekend). And I've been eating out more, and I got some "stuff" in Savannah too (2 pairs of shoes, a quilt, and some kitchen towels).

I think it's because I'm unhappy on some level: I feel fat, I never get to spend time at HOME because we're going back and forth to Carrollton on the weekends, and during the week I work or go to school long hours. So I spend, and am temporarily happier, but then I just feel guilty for spending money that I either don't have or shouldn't be spending.

Monday, Mom came up to hang out and spend the night. She provided the impetus to start putting away the piles (and piles and piles) of folded laundry that I hadn't put up in probably a month or two. It was during this that I realized I have WAY too many clothes (not the first time I've realized this). But I wear almost all of them, at least those that we put up, because they were washed and in order to have been washed, I had to WEAR them. But I still have too many clothes. I think I may bag stuff up and let it sit for 6 months or so, and if I don't miss it then I'll give it away. I have tried going through the closet and each time I do get rid of stuff, but not much. Maybe the bag it for six months approach will be better.

And the crux of the whole spendy thing is, it doesn't make me feel better long term, because then I just have MORE clutter. For example, kitchen towels....I probably have 20. I really only need 5 or so, MAYBE 10 if I wait a long time to do laundry. I think I will freecycle the ones that don't match anymore instead of being such a pack rat.

Then the question becomes, when the hell am I going to do this?? (Because we will be gone all the damned time this summer). Sigh. It's an uphill battle and I'm losing.

Summer

I used to love summer...long days lounging by the pool, hanging out with friends, babysitting my favorite kids ever, washing my car every week...

Now I kind of am at odds with summer, because I am missing it even as I am in it. I have to work all day in my (too-hot) work clothes, I do homework in the evenings with no time to wash my car (plus the drought won't allow that anyway), and my weekends will be spent traveling back and forth to family stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, miss them terribly, and enjoy spending time with them. HOWEVER. This summer, we will have MAYBE one weekend in Atlanta. ONE. WEEKEND. Every single other weekend, at least one day of it will be spent in Carrollton and a couple of them will be ALL weekend. Sigh. There goes any concept of a relaxing summer.

Just for shits and giggles, here is our (abbreviated) schedule for the summer:

This weekend: (May 30/31): EABF in East Atlanta, and then nephews' birthday party Saturday in Carrollton, RELAX on Sunday. (Where RELAX really means catch up on cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning).

Next weekend (June 6/7): Caleb's cousin's wedding celebration Saturday (they are getting married at the courthouse beforehand), shop for bridesmaid dresses with a friend on Sunday from 2 pm till ? somewhere not at home (probably Town Center)...I'm also supposed to be helping some friends paint their house Sunday in Paulding County but can't do both.

June 13/14: Liz and Mary and Evan (Aunts and Uncle) will be here; they will be at Jim and Barbara's lakehouse on Saturday IN WEDOWEE, ALABAMA. We will help some friends move that morning in Carrollton/Paulding County and then probably go because otherwise we won't see Liz and Evan again till October. Sunday, either nothing or painting if painting gets moved to that weekend instead. UPDATE: Caleb has to work Sunday so we will either both be in Carrollton or he will be in Carrollton that day.

June 20/21: STAY IN ATLANTA, YAY! Terri and Jesse's wedding Saturday afternoon, go out to dinner with them afterwards. Nothing Sunday (aka catch up on housework that we haven't been doing because we haven't been there for two weeks). (It's Fathers Day on Sunday but we will be celebrating with them when we see them BEFORE then so that we can eke out one measly weekend at our freaking HOUSE).

June 27/28: already be in Daytona (drive down June 26, Friday)

July 5/6: Saturday we will be driving back from Daytona, Sunday nothing

July 11/12: Saturday nothing (really catching up on housework per the usual), Sunday, Jennifer's party thing in Carrollton. (It's actually a shower, but she wants it to be more of a couples come and hang out thing). Note that I have to plan this sometime between now and then.

July 18/19: I will be gone at least Saturday night for Jennifer's bachelorette party...either all weekend in Charleston or just Saturday night/Sunday in ATL or Athens.

July 25th: Jennifer's wedding and my class reunion, both in Carrollton.

I feel overtraveled, overexerted, and like the laundry is piling up already. Sigh.

I Need Encouragement

At the funeral the other day, one of my...uncles? First cousins once removed? Something like that. Anyway, he was talking about Aunt Boe (and, by default, Uncle Posie, since they functioned as a unit--in a good way) and how she and Uncle Posie always, always, encouraged ALL of us kids. Every single one of us, through three generations, felt special (three of the uncles got up and each claimed to be Aunt Boe's favorite, and I thought I was her favorite, and I'm pretty sure my cousin thought she was her favorite, too). She and Uncle Posie had that magical quality of making everyone feel elevated--favorited, even--and encouraged. Even when I was small, they would ask about school and tell me how proud they were of me and how awesome I was...and it wasn't until that moment, the moment that Clayton stood there and said all this (he was talking about himself, but we ALL got that from them), that I realized how sorely I've missed that kind of encouragement, love, and devotion. Yes, I get it from Caleb (my husband. I got tired of referring to him as the husband). Yes, I occasionally get it from my parents, but mostly people just don't talk about school around me because by now they all know how much I hate it at the moment.

Maybe it was just easier to believe the encouragement when I was a kid--I had much higher self esteem then. Now, I feel like I don't--can't--give 100% to anything because I'm so split between work, school, house, family, friends, etc. So I constantly beat myself up mentally about how I could have done that better or I could have spent more time on this. And I feel fat, but that's another post altogether.

It's weird how two of the major things that I used to base my self-esteem on have fallen so far. I wonder if that's why it has taken such a big hit? I no longer make straight A's (in fact, I'll be lucky to finish my master's with a 3.0 overall), and I'm not skinny anymore (and as a result I no longer even feel like myself, nor do I feel pretty). I don't like looking cute in outfits anymore, because none of them fit right, and the cute stuff I used to wear no longer looks good on me. Plus I can't spend money on clothes. I wonder if it all, deep down, boils down to a money issue? A weight issue? Or whether I'm just using so much willpower on work and school and keeping the house not disgusting that I have none left for my body or dressing to look cute or making sure I have straight A's?

I guess, if nothing else, I'll find out in December when I just have work to worry about. I think I will focus on my body and my wardrobe (not buying stuff, just putting it together better and taking more time to look cute) first, then on making my house look like me. I want to paint (burnt orange in the bathroom), build a banquette for the elliptical table in the dining room, get the furniture arranged just right, put pictures up, unpack the office...you get the picture. I just have to find a way to do that frugally. Hello Salvation Army/thrift stores in hoity neighborhoods! I'm getting excited about it already. I will post PLENTY of before and after pictures. For now, here are the "before" pictures of the house (before we moved in--it's not that clean or spacious looking now, that's for sure!)

This is the guest bath that I want to paint burnt orange. What do you think? Caleb is worried that it will be too dark and guests would get annoyed with the darkness while putting on makeup...but over the sink (which would be in the far right of the picture but is cut off) there is a light fixture with THREE 60 watt bulbs. We only have two in there now, and it's plenty bright).

This is the dining room. Right now we have a small round table in there, a huge white beautiful Ikea elliptical table (it's the Gidea, if you must know), a chifferobe (which is currently being used as extra kitchen storage because we don't have enough cabinets for all our gadgets), two chairs, and three barstools. I want to build a banquette on the right hand wall in the picture with (hidden, modern) storage drawers in the bottom/sides of it. That way the dining room would be opened up and we'd have more room for the chifferobe and for people to mingle. Not to mention the extra storage (Eventually the small round table and 2 chairs will go back to their owner, which means there's even more need to build the banquette--that's five people able to sit which they can't do after the chairs go away, and we cannot afford chairs right now. I need to do some serious thrift store shopping for chairs, because they are RIDICULOUSLY expensive! Anyone have three stylish chairs they want to get rid of that fit the color scheme or can be recovered?) Other than that, I'm not sure if I want to paint in here or not...I really like the greenish-yellowish-happy color that is in there. Below is a drawing of what it would look like with the banquette in there:

This is a picture of the living room. Currently there is an apple-green, retro, super cool sofa coming out from the wall between the door and the windows with its back to us. I like that arrangement; it helps define the "entry" as such and divides the room from the entry and kitchen without restricting sight lines or conversations. For the "color scheme" in the living/dining rooms and kitchen, I'm thinking of the wall color, apple green, orange (not neon) dark brown, and a tiny bit of white (a la the table, throw pillows, etc).

This is the master bedroom. Our headboard is centered on the left wall in front of the window (Sound weird? I agreed, but we had it on the wall directly in front of us in the picture at first, and it just didn't work. Surprisingly, it looks decent in front of the window). The furniture in there is sparse, with a nightstand on the left side of the bed (but not right next to it), a tiny table on the right side, a white floor lamp from Ikea in the corner we see here, a short dresser across from the bed, and a tall chest of drawers (or if you're from the South, a "chester drawers.") on the non-window wall we are looking at, centered. Sounds like a lot...maybe it isn't sparse? We don't have a rug or anything in here; I like it without one. We have a painting on the wall above the short dresser, and our duvet is apple green with white print. I can't decide if this room is DONE or not. I think in order to decide, I should take a picture of it when it is clean and then determine what, if anything, is missing.

This is the master bath. I want to paint it but I'm not sure what color yet (green? yellow? white?). I haven't been struck by inspiration for it yet; I have a shower curtain that I love that is (guess what?) apple green with white and off white flower outlines on it (looks more abstract than flowery; I'm not really a flower kinda girl). We also have six black 1 ft cubes in there, eventually they will be floor to ceiling but we might paint them dark brown first. Ooh, I just had a thought! We could put shelves on the wall that would be to our right in the picture, similar to the ones I had in the office in Athens! Like an idiot I never took a picture of those, but I have the design sketched out somewhere. Also, that light-colored panel on the end of the cabinet is horrid. We have to find a dark colored one, or paint it, or something. It drives me nuts.

As for the office and the guest bedroom, they will have to wait--the office has all our unpacked boxes still in it, and the guest bedroom looks ok, but has all the stuff we want to sell at a garage sale in it. Caleb gets to be in charge of the decorating scheme for the office; I think he wants to paint it a grayish blue color. I think that sounds lovely.

I can't wait to be the decorating queen among my friends again. Everyone used to come into the house in Athens and go, "Ooh! I love the kitchen!" (or the office, or my bedroom or whatever). My bedroom was freaking awesome. I painted it deep purple and had sort of a moroccan theme, and it actually worked. (My mom was horrified at the purple before we got any furniture in there and said, "You HAVE to paint it a lighter color when we sell the house!" but then after I got everything in there, she loved it). Plus I could sleep late because the room wasn't bright, a very unexpected and welcome benefit. Hmm. Maybe in light of that, I should paint the master bedroom chocolate brown?

What are your favorite past decorating ideas? Or ideas that you want to incorporate into your future abode? Please share!

What a Week

Monday: Feel coughy (not a word, I know, but I'm using it anyway) and crappy, raining, etc. Go to work anyway.

Also I was worried that my rear wheels weren't on good enough after having changed my rear brakes Sunday, so that was in the back of my mind all day Monday.


Tuesday: Feel even worse, come to work anyway again, change T-Mobile plan to get unlimited internet so I can use my phone as modem for new laptop (netbook, $400, small enough to fit in my purse), and internet won't work. Decide to give it a day or so. Mom calls, says my great-aunt (who was more like a grandmother because she lived so close to us and I spend a lot of time over there as a kid) isn't doing well at all. She has had Alzheimer's since I was about 16 (so nine years) and she hasn't known anyone for at least the last five. She can't speak, and she broke her hip in the nursing home about six years ago and they wouldn't fix it so she could walk again because they thought she wouldn't last much longer. So for the last six years, she has been unable to speak, walk, feed herself, or use the restroom (really, if there were a God, and he were merciful, he would not have let that happen). So intellectually, I have known that she's been "gone" for a very long time...I am convinced that she is no longer "in there" which I guess if one has to get Alzheimer's, at least eventually, mercifully (in a sick and twisted sort of way) you are unaware of what is happening to you. So I thought I had dealt with it long ago, and processed that she was gone...and then my mom called and told me that and was hit with the realization that, no, I have not processed it, and no, I am not okay with it EVEN THOUGH I know that it would be the most merciful thing for her. I miss her, I miss Uncle Posie (her husband and my surrogate grandpa who was a little crazy, hilariously funny, and very inventive), and I'd give anything to have one more day with them both. So anyway. I had to leave the office for a bit and go cry in my car. And I need to, again, but have shoved it down into the recesses of my mind because I can't give it the time I need to right now, and anyway, there will be a funeral for that I guess.

Go to class, discover that I could have been taking Management for Engineers instead of Finite Element Methods (read: EASY A instead of possible D), come back to work, still worried about wheels. Decide to meet some friends for dinner. Before dinner, decide to go to other friend's house and check wheels. Pull up in driveway, and he freaks out because something looks wrong with my rotors. Discover that rotors are wrong size, hurry up to take old ones to be turned (call the people I got them from and leave a civil but angry message), cancel dinner, come back and get car off ground, wheels off, calipers off...and discover a leak in the seal of one of my caliper pistons (new caliper, $300...or rebuild kit, $25 and EIGHT HOURS TO REBUILD). Grapple with the realization that I won't be driving my car for a few (possibly several) days. Go pick up turned rotors, leave car and borrow friend's (he has five). Get dinner at 9:30, (STILL FEEL LIKE HOLY HELL), FINALLY go home and go to bed.

Wednesday: Feel even worse than on Tuesday (are you sensing a pattern here?), go to work anyway. Raining, and that's a problem because the loaner car leaks a little, drip...drip....drip onto my left shoulder (I had been warned that that was an issue so wasn't TOO awful). People that shipped rotors call and declare that their website isn't at all misleading (even though I chose MY make and model and somehow it jumped makes and models while I was clicking on things in MY MAKE AND MODEL'S BRAKE CATEGORY such that I ended up with 02-03 WRX rotors). Get angry and hang up on them. Post on WRXAtlanta forums about how the people who sent me the wrong rotors won't take them back (not even for a partial refund) even though they have LESS THAN FIFTY MILES ON THEM and I ordered them AFTER CHOOSING MY CAR'S MAKE AND MODEL AND THEY WERE WRONG. People agree with me, and one guy offers me a great deal on new ones that actually fit. And hopefully I have hurt their business, because there are 2500 members of WRX Atlanta. Plan to post it on NAISOC (North American Subaru Impreza Owners Club) forums as well. Go to bank to deposit $2200 check (refund from old escrow account) and it isn't in my purse because it was in my car and when I moved cars I took everything in the house. Call T-Mobile b/c internet still won't work and they try some stuff and then tell me to wait another day because nothing they have done fixes it. (At this point, it is only around 11:00 am). Go to class, feel stupid and behind, come back. Having issues with a project at work; it's not as easy as it looked. VERY FRUSTRATED AT THIS POINT. Email people about work problem, leave. Had enough. Go home, eat, take Nyquil, and accidentally crash before planned, miss hubby's phone call. Wake up at 1 am because of thunder, pee, text him to tell him I'm ok. Back to bed.

Thursday: Wake up feeling EVEN WORSE. (WONDERING HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER THIS CAN CONTINUE). Cough a lot, rattles, hurts, but NOTHING comes up. I am hating life right about now. Get dressed, come to work. Get out of car at work and realize my entire ass is SOAKING WET because it rained all night and that drip, drip, drip had been dripping right onto the seat. Put saran wrap on the door to try and not let it get any wetter since I have to go to class and back again today. Also it is hot and humid IN THE FUCKING BUILDING so I am sweaty and hot on top of having a wet ass. That brings me to now. I am thoroughly pissed off, hot, sweaty, wet-assed, and feeling like HOLY HELL. I can't stop coughing and NOTHING WILL COME UP. And to top it all off, I STILL CAN'T GET ON THE DAMNED INTERNET WITH MY PHONE. So I get to look forward to calling inept customer service people to deal with yet another problem. And look! It's only 9:38! I can't wait to see what the rest of the day and week brings!

Don't piss me off or I'll punch you. Amen.

Made it, this time

Work calmed down a bit. Also we are going to the beach this weekend (staying at a free condo!)

Now I just have to get through this semester of school...plodding through. Need to NOT procrastinate on the huge project. :/

I can take a summer class! So one in summer, one in fall and I'm DONE. DONE, DONE, ON TO THE NEXT ONE, --actually, no, more like on to the relaxation and house cleaning and cooking and having a life again. T-minus 9.5 months and counting!!!

Also I am eagerly awaiting our tax refund (= = instant 4 month emergency fund) and my graduation in December and Caleb's graduation (May 2010 ish, or maybe August or Dec 2010) and having a full-time husband. That will be weird. And awesome. It'll be like a spend-the-night party every night! Yay! (That's my goal at least, to make sure that we try to have as much fun as if I were in eighth grade again and getting to spend an entire week with my BFF or something. At least half the time). For the first time since I started grad school, I am excited about my life again. (Never mind the fact that I am excited about life AFTER December; I'm just really amazed that I have ANY excitement at all). There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and the sheer blackness has been replaced by a medium shade of gray. Just gotta keep plugging.

ARRRRRGH

My job is killing me.

Short version: everyone thought it would be a good idea if EVERYONE put in extra hours every week. (So we could bid more jobs at a slightly cheaper price, procuring more work and earning more money but paying everyone the same)....but then our sales people thought it would be a good idea to make promises that may or may not be possible to keep, and my team's "extra hours" have doubled/tripled depending on which person you are on our team. I am severely lacking in sleep and homework time (and time to cook, clean, do laundry, fix my car, wash my car, etc). So I've been spending more money on food since I have no time to make any, I'm never home, my house needs cleaning, I have no clothes to wear (except that wonderful hubby did enough laundry to get me through this week), my test grade suffered, I'm tired all the time, and still I get bitched at because it's never enough. I want to move to Europe sometimes. Fuck capitalism.

It's been so bad I broke out the Alanis Morissette CD and have been scream-singing at every opportunity. I am ANGRY.

However, there is an autocross this weekend, and I cannot WAIT. Sweet stress relief, here I come. My car is getting new spark plugs and some other 60k stuff on Saturday, so it will be feeling wonderful come Sunday morning. I haven't decided if I'll blast Foo Fighters (the usual autocross music) or Alanis on Sunday....hahahahaha.

Hearing and its Discontents

Sometimes I wonder if I hear things the way everyone else does, even with my hearing aids. Once, I made someone wear one of my hearing aids and asked if it sounded different than normal hearing, and of course the answer was yes. Granted, this is probably because I hear worst at high frequencies and thus the aids turn up the sounds on those more than low ones, hence to a normal hearing person, they would sound pretty atrocious. I have enough “real” hearing to be able to listen to my radio in my car at a medium high volume (sans hearing aids) and actually hear it. And headphones (for which I remove the aids) sound basically the same as music from a radio with the hearing aids in. But I still wonder if I process the sound in the same way, if it sounds different to hearing people, and if I'm missing some wonderful sounds, or if other people are missing wonderful sounds--maybe the things that sound like pure heaven to me are just sounds to others...I will never know. The only time it really irritates me is when I am not wearing my hearing aids and desperately want to hear what someone is saying (swimming and immediately upon waking or showering).

There are, however, numerous advantages.

Anytime I don't want to hear something, I simply press a button and the hearing aids "go dark" while also acting as earplugs. This is very beneficial when it comes to sirens, squealing brakes, unruly children, etc. It also greatly reduces the urge to smack said children, which is good considering they aren't mine and I’m usually in public and don’t even know the kids.

When I press the button once, it goes to "telephone" mode, during which I can talk on a (land) line without having to remove them. I don't usually use it for phone conversations (I can hear well on phones and usually just take one out); HOWEVER, I recently discovered that with them on this setting, they pick up various electromagnetic (I'm assuming it's EM, anyway) noise, and I can hear motors and equipment--even if they are fairly far away. It's neat. Random thought: I wonder if, because of their electrical nature, they'd be wiped out in the event of large EM radiation or nuclear radiation? Maybe I should avoid the power plants....

I sleep REALLY WELL. I don't hear the bus going by every ten minutes or the loud cars or the rumblings of my elephant-like cats. I love sleep, so this is also a very good thing, unless I'm home alone and afraid of robbers (which, of course, is even worse now with the second break-in). Then I'm faced with the choice of leaving them in and sleeping like crap or taking them out and not hearing the potential thieves breaking in. I choose sleep and potential thieves most of the time, though I keep various weaponry and my handy alarm key fob with panic button basically under me while I sleep if the hubby isn’t there. Just in case.

My ears are never cold. In fact, I didn't realize how cold one's ears could get until I (for whatever unknown reason) was outside in the winter without the aids. I hightailed it back inside and put them in and was warmed. Whew.

Nothing is ever too loud. Most new digital hearing aids have compression built in, which is a fancy term for not transmitting loud noises beyond a certain loudness (i.e. they don't just magnify noise linearly. Yes I'm a dork). At first, this was bad, because the "loudness tolerance" for this particular brand was set extremely low, and anytime there was anything even resembling noise I would hear them actually masking it. It drove me nuts. So we adjusted some stuff and now they're great! *Note: this feature comes in extreme handy at concerts--my mom and sister's ears rang for three days after the last one and mine didn't at all.

The drawbacks, though...they are plentiful as well. 22 years with them has produced some doozies.

Somehow I always run out of batteries when on a trip somewhere when I'm not driving. This means I have to ask our hostess or whoever is driving to hightail it to a drugstore or Wal Mart ASAP, politely. But desperately. Because otherwise I WON'T BE ABLE TO HEAR ANYTHING.

Once, I flushed BOTH of them down the toilet accidentally. Don't ask. I dropped one into the (clean, empty) toilet once, too, prompting my mother to disallow them from the bathroom forevermore. Probably a smart policy given my...well...let’s just euphemistically say, “tendency toward blonde moments.”

Another time, I forgot them at home when going to school and my mom had to bring them to me. I was in kindergarten and had been wearing them for two years at that point. I'm still not sure how one manages to leave the house without being able to hear...

At a friend's house after a sleepover in fourth grade, we were playing with water guns. You guessed it, friend scored a direct hit to the ear and it wouldn't work anymore! I freaked, my mom arrived later to pick me up and instructed me to hold it in front of the A/C vent for a while and it was good as new. I think I thought that my friend did it on purpose (even though most of my friends didn't even know I had hearing aids, and if they did, probably wouldn’t have realized that water + hearing aids = very bad. And that was the very first time I had spent any time at that person’s house…she probably forgot they were even there). Apparently I was a little conspiracy theorist or something.

Still another time, my mom's cat decided that earwax was her absolute most favorite thing in the entire world, and I woke up and found that one of my “ears” was missing. It took my parents and me an hour of frantic we’re-gonna-be-late-for-school! searching to find it (on the floor, in the back of the closet)...and when I picked it up I realized it had been licked clean. GROSS. To this day I cannot leave them out at my parents' house or the cat will take them.

So there. Everything you never wanted to ask your friends who have hearing aids, in one (rather lengthy) post!

Smells

The new year came in with a vengeance--I had a week and a half off work, and then class and work both started up again on the fifth. I'm still trying to recover.

Anyway.

So I'm sitting in class last week (maybe the third day of class?) and all of a sudden, I'm sneezing. And I'm afraid I can't stop. During a lull, I am conscious enough to realize that I think it's the girl's perfume who is sitting beside me. Yikes. I inch to the left in my chair, hoping to escape the nostril-tingling fumes. No dice. I sneeze. My nose runs. My eyes water. Everyone else in the room is doing an EXCELLENT job of not noticing, including the professor, who is very carefully not looking at me. Or anyone, actually. Finally, I just turn my head. Ahhhhhhh, sweet relief. Eventually I inch far enough away to stop sneezing. I hope she didn't think she smelled bad...I have no idea how it actually smelled, only that it invaded my nose like an explosion of those little things you blow off dandelions in the summer. Fired into the nostrils via jet stream. That's never happened to me before. I hope it doesn't become a common occurence-- "Oh, hi, Mrs. X, it's nice to meet you!" (lean in for handshake, perfume causes nostril tingling, and Mrs. X now has snot all over her.....hmmm...this could be problematic).

So I resolve that I can't sit beside this girl anymore. Which in and of itself is problematic because she is the girlfriend of a friend of mine, and I don't want her to think I don't like her. But there are plenty of other seats, right?

Fast forward five days, same class. I get there late and have to take the remaining seat near the front. It's next to a guy I don't know. As soon as I sit down, I almost gag. My brain is going, "BODY ODOR BODY ODOR BODY ODOR BODY ODOR YOU HAVE TO MOVE. NOW, WOMAN!" I (stealthily, and without expressing the panic I feel, I hope) glance around and realize unless I want to cause a semi-major disruption, I can't change seats. So I practice the inching away technique some more and breathe through my mouth. (Seriously, people, it was the sour sweaty BO that you only get from BOTH exercising rigorously AND not showering for a few days). Then I sort of do this weird head tilt thing to aim my nostrils to my left while pretending I'm just trying to understand the professor (same one as before) better. I resolve not to sit next to this guy anymore either.

Then today, I get to class (late, again--well, late enough to not have much seat choice) and have to sit beside him again. I instinctively hold my breath. But then I (reluctantly, while breathing through my mouth) sit down and take a tentative whiff. Apparently, he has showered, though not recently, recently enough to not reek. I breathe a (small) sigh of relief and resolve to be very, very early to that class from now on.

Is there a "Supersmellers Anonymous?" Because I totally need that. This is just a small sample of what my poor poor nose goes through on a fairly regular basis. Based on this, I have decided when I get pregnant (in five or maybe ten years), I'm going to just have to hole up at home, not cook bacon, not wear perfume, not poop or have to smell it, and have something that still smells good to my pregnant, odor-revulsed selfnext to me at all times so that if I catch a whiff of something untoward, I can just smother my face with the smelly-good thing and NOT PUKE.

However, I would venture to guess that because I smell what most people don't (or smell it long before they do) I'm a supertaster and therefore food tastes better to me than most people. Which is good if you are my taste buds, but bad if you are my weight. Bad with the good, though, right?

Awkward Question

A detective from the Police Department called me today, to ask if I could think of any reasons why I'd been burglarized twice in as many months...I said no.....

Because, how do I say, well, it's probably because I'm white (living in a very much non-white neighborhood) and because my house is the only rehabbed one on my block...?

And I don't have anyone home all day like most of my neighbors (they are either retired or have parents living with them or something)...

Argh.

I Live in the Ghetto

Got broken into. Again.

Creep factor: I only just OPENED the donated laptop on Thursday night for about ten minutes, and then stowed it away again (NOT in front of any windows).

Creep factor #2: It's possible they knew 1) there was only a glass break sensor on the master bedroom window, no contact sensor and 2) we didn't have the motion sensors on because we don't know if the cats will set it off--because the window was carefully (and quietly, I assume) pried open, and they left using the same window rather than walking out a door.

(Of course, it is possible that all those things are pure coincidence and I'm not really being spied on, but geez).

I am so angry. I feel violated. All my shit was rifled through. Again, the laptop was the only thing taken. But ugh. They were much more thorough this time--drawers opened and rifled through, mattress moved, stuff in the closet thrown around...however, they didn't really make that much of a mess though because my house is SO messy right now. Which is both sad and funny.

Anyway. Back to work.

The Last Two Weeks

Monday, the 20th: plumber visits, discovers that the reason for the puddle of water in the corner of our tub is a VERY SLOW LEAK...which means that EVERYTHING between the drip (at the handle for turning on water) and the corner of the shower is wet behind the wall. Now we have mildew and a hole in our bathroom wall, which requires that the bathroom door be kept shut because otherwise the cats REALLY NEED to be IN the hole, and that's just not okay with me. Which also means the bathroom is usually FREEZING in the middle of the night when I have to pee, or first thing in the morning when I get up. Also there was a bug in there this morning. It looked evil.

Thursday, the 23rd: I arrive home at 2 am after leaving at 5:30 am to cram some more for my 8:05 am test and working (from after class at 11:30 am) until 1:30 am to discover my bedroom window shattered, glass all over my floor, my cat missing, and me not knowing if burglars were still in house. I hightailed it out to my car and called 911. Long story short: friends came over, police arrived, no one in house, laptop (four-year-old, not very good laptop) stolen, friends waited with me till hubby got there. Cat was just hiding (understandably!) .We had to clean up the broken glass/board the window that night because it was the FIRST rainy, cold night of the season. Asshat burglars. I'm STILL mad.

Monday the 27th: We get alarm system that evening, but they weren't able to fully install, EVEN after staying until 1:30 AM.

Tuesday the 28th: I wake up feeling like hell. Stay home from work, alarm guy comes and finishes. Have cool new keyfobs for alarm. But HAVE to go to a lecture that night because desperately need the extra credit.

Wednesday the 29th: Alarm goes off at 9:45 am. Monitoring people call, I freak, they call cops, I call a friend to go look and I get home in a record 10 minutes. Nothing. False alarm. Doors set it off and they are all still shut. I'm pissed, go back to work. 5:30 pm, alarm goes off again. I tell them not to call police. Another friend goes and checks it out--nothing wrong. I'm still feeling shitty, feeling ragged out from two adrenaline rushes in the same day, and am still RIDICULOUSLY stressed about work. NOT A GOOD DAY. On the way home at 6:15, it goes off AGAIN. I tell them not to call cops again, because I'm only 5 minutes away. Get home, nothing. Sigh very loudly, call alarm people. They tell me they'll be out the next day at 11:30 am (which means I have to come home after class, but I sometimes do anyway, so that's ok).

Thursday (today) the 30th: go home after class, wait till 12, no one shows up. Call them and haul ASS back to work because guess what? I STILL have that huge project to do! I think something must be wrong though, I am worried about the alarm guy. He's been very prompt and/or calls ahead up till now, so I hope it's not anything serious but am afraid it might be. Am planning on having someone fix it tonight hopefully. :(

And I'm supposed to be cleaning/unpacking/organizing the house and getting stuff ready for the Halloween party we're having on Saturday. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. The house looks worse now than it did on Monday.

Side note: I got all engineer on burglar's asses and have been researching security products. Now I now want this and this. Plus I think one of my friends is giving me the dummy security cameras that came free with his real ones. HAHAHAHA that strikes me as really funny for some reason.

Bring it on, burglars. Also I thought about staking out the house (pretending to leave and leaving a tempting fake laptop lying in front of the window) but I don't think the police would be willing to expend that much time and effort. :(