I Need Encouragement

At the funeral the other day, one of my...uncles? First cousins once removed? Something like that. Anyway, he was talking about Aunt Boe (and, by default, Uncle Posie, since they functioned as a unit--in a good way) and how she and Uncle Posie always, always, encouraged ALL of us kids. Every single one of us, through three generations, felt special (three of the uncles got up and each claimed to be Aunt Boe's favorite, and I thought I was her favorite, and I'm pretty sure my cousin thought she was her favorite, too). She and Uncle Posie had that magical quality of making everyone feel elevated--favorited, even--and encouraged. Even when I was small, they would ask about school and tell me how proud they were of me and how awesome I was...and it wasn't until that moment, the moment that Clayton stood there and said all this (he was talking about himself, but we ALL got that from them), that I realized how sorely I've missed that kind of encouragement, love, and devotion. Yes, I get it from Caleb (my husband. I got tired of referring to him as the husband). Yes, I occasionally get it from my parents, but mostly people just don't talk about school around me because by now they all know how much I hate it at the moment.

Maybe it was just easier to believe the encouragement when I was a kid--I had much higher self esteem then. Now, I feel like I don't--can't--give 100% to anything because I'm so split between work, school, house, family, friends, etc. So I constantly beat myself up mentally about how I could have done that better or I could have spent more time on this. And I feel fat, but that's another post altogether.

It's weird how two of the major things that I used to base my self-esteem on have fallen so far. I wonder if that's why it has taken such a big hit? I no longer make straight A's (in fact, I'll be lucky to finish my master's with a 3.0 overall), and I'm not skinny anymore (and as a result I no longer even feel like myself, nor do I feel pretty). I don't like looking cute in outfits anymore, because none of them fit right, and the cute stuff I used to wear no longer looks good on me. Plus I can't spend money on clothes. I wonder if it all, deep down, boils down to a money issue? A weight issue? Or whether I'm just using so much willpower on work and school and keeping the house not disgusting that I have none left for my body or dressing to look cute or making sure I have straight A's?

I guess, if nothing else, I'll find out in December when I just have work to worry about. I think I will focus on my body and my wardrobe (not buying stuff, just putting it together better and taking more time to look cute) first, then on making my house look like me. I want to paint (burnt orange in the bathroom), build a banquette for the elliptical table in the dining room, get the furniture arranged just right, put pictures up, unpack the office...you get the picture. I just have to find a way to do that frugally. Hello Salvation Army/thrift stores in hoity neighborhoods! I'm getting excited about it already. I will post PLENTY of before and after pictures. For now, here are the "before" pictures of the house (before we moved in--it's not that clean or spacious looking now, that's for sure!)

This is the guest bath that I want to paint burnt orange. What do you think? Caleb is worried that it will be too dark and guests would get annoyed with the darkness while putting on makeup...but over the sink (which would be in the far right of the picture but is cut off) there is a light fixture with THREE 60 watt bulbs. We only have two in there now, and it's plenty bright).

This is the dining room. Right now we have a small round table in there, a huge white beautiful Ikea elliptical table (it's the Gidea, if you must know), a chifferobe (which is currently being used as extra kitchen storage because we don't have enough cabinets for all our gadgets), two chairs, and three barstools. I want to build a banquette on the right hand wall in the picture with (hidden, modern) storage drawers in the bottom/sides of it. That way the dining room would be opened up and we'd have more room for the chifferobe and for people to mingle. Not to mention the extra storage (Eventually the small round table and 2 chairs will go back to their owner, which means there's even more need to build the banquette--that's five people able to sit which they can't do after the chairs go away, and we cannot afford chairs right now. I need to do some serious thrift store shopping for chairs, because they are RIDICULOUSLY expensive! Anyone have three stylish chairs they want to get rid of that fit the color scheme or can be recovered?) Other than that, I'm not sure if I want to paint in here or not...I really like the greenish-yellowish-happy color that is in there. Below is a drawing of what it would look like with the banquette in there:

This is a picture of the living room. Currently there is an apple-green, retro, super cool sofa coming out from the wall between the door and the windows with its back to us. I like that arrangement; it helps define the "entry" as such and divides the room from the entry and kitchen without restricting sight lines or conversations. For the "color scheme" in the living/dining rooms and kitchen, I'm thinking of the wall color, apple green, orange (not neon) dark brown, and a tiny bit of white (a la the table, throw pillows, etc).

This is the master bedroom. Our headboard is centered on the left wall in front of the window (Sound weird? I agreed, but we had it on the wall directly in front of us in the picture at first, and it just didn't work. Surprisingly, it looks decent in front of the window). The furniture in there is sparse, with a nightstand on the left side of the bed (but not right next to it), a tiny table on the right side, a white floor lamp from Ikea in the corner we see here, a short dresser across from the bed, and a tall chest of drawers (or if you're from the South, a "chester drawers.") on the non-window wall we are looking at, centered. Sounds like a lot...maybe it isn't sparse? We don't have a rug or anything in here; I like it without one. We have a painting on the wall above the short dresser, and our duvet is apple green with white print. I can't decide if this room is DONE or not. I think in order to decide, I should take a picture of it when it is clean and then determine what, if anything, is missing.

This is the master bath. I want to paint it but I'm not sure what color yet (green? yellow? white?). I haven't been struck by inspiration for it yet; I have a shower curtain that I love that is (guess what?) apple green with white and off white flower outlines on it (looks more abstract than flowery; I'm not really a flower kinda girl). We also have six black 1 ft cubes in there, eventually they will be floor to ceiling but we might paint them dark brown first. Ooh, I just had a thought! We could put shelves on the wall that would be to our right in the picture, similar to the ones I had in the office in Athens! Like an idiot I never took a picture of those, but I have the design sketched out somewhere. Also, that light-colored panel on the end of the cabinet is horrid. We have to find a dark colored one, or paint it, or something. It drives me nuts.

As for the office and the guest bedroom, they will have to wait--the office has all our unpacked boxes still in it, and the guest bedroom looks ok, but has all the stuff we want to sell at a garage sale in it. Caleb gets to be in charge of the decorating scheme for the office; I think he wants to paint it a grayish blue color. I think that sounds lovely.

I can't wait to be the decorating queen among my friends again. Everyone used to come into the house in Athens and go, "Ooh! I love the kitchen!" (or the office, or my bedroom or whatever). My bedroom was freaking awesome. I painted it deep purple and had sort of a moroccan theme, and it actually worked. (My mom was horrified at the purple before we got any furniture in there and said, "You HAVE to paint it a lighter color when we sell the house!" but then after I got everything in there, she loved it). Plus I could sleep late because the room wasn't bright, a very unexpected and welcome benefit. Hmm. Maybe in light of that, I should paint the master bedroom chocolate brown?

What are your favorite past decorating ideas? Or ideas that you want to incorporate into your future abode? Please share!

Exclamation Point

The beach house fund now has $150.00 in it!

Awkward Question

A detective from the Police Department called me today, to ask if I could think of any reasons why I'd been burglarized twice in as many months...I said no.....

Because, how do I say, well, it's probably because I'm white (living in a very much non-white neighborhood) and because my house is the only rehabbed one on my block...?

And I don't have anyone home all day like most of my neighbors (they are either retired or have parents living with them or something)...

Argh.

I Live in the Ghetto

Got broken into. Again.

Creep factor: I only just OPENED the donated laptop on Thursday night for about ten minutes, and then stowed it away again (NOT in front of any windows).

Creep factor #2: It's possible they knew 1) there was only a glass break sensor on the master bedroom window, no contact sensor and 2) we didn't have the motion sensors on because we don't know if the cats will set it off--because the window was carefully (and quietly, I assume) pried open, and they left using the same window rather than walking out a door.

(Of course, it is possible that all those things are pure coincidence and I'm not really being spied on, but geez).

I am so angry. I feel violated. All my shit was rifled through. Again, the laptop was the only thing taken. But ugh. They were much more thorough this time--drawers opened and rifled through, mattress moved, stuff in the closet thrown around...however, they didn't really make that much of a mess though because my house is SO messy right now. Which is both sad and funny.

Anyway. Back to work.

Way Behind, But Stil Chugging Along

First, the new tips:

#11: Never pay full retail for clothes/eyeglasses again.

My clothes buying moratorium is taking care of this. In the last three months, I have spent exactly 12.51 on clothing/eyeglasses, and don't plan to spend any more till August.

#12: Save on eating out with Restaurant.com.

I already do this, AND I only buy when they are 80% off, so a $25 gift certificate is only $2

#13: Negotiate Car Insurance.

I usually check a bunch of different insurance companies online every six months or so, and have negotiated my rate down by about $200 every six months, but when your record looks like mine there's only so much you can do. However, I will try this again soon (because I am close to when my insurance would renew) because I'll be 25, married, and only have 2 tickets on my 3 year record as of December 20th-ish. I will use the phone as suggested in this tip and see if it helps any. Stay tuned!

#14: Use self-persuasion to share how much I've saved so far.

-Not eating out for lunch for the last two weeks (blew week 1, but did good 2 weeks): $20 saved, will be $30 at end of month.

-Thermostat temp redux: assumed 10% of heating costs, so $8 saved.

-Sell something on e-bay (I used Craigslist): $20 earned.

-Tell friends: $0, but accountability, which is good.

-Optimize cell phone bill: $5 saved, unless I go over texting, but so far so good.

-Gas price hedge fund: $20 has been transferred into savings ($10 per week), by end of month it will be $30.

-No spending day each week: $0 saved because I don't normally spend on Wednesdays anyway, but it makes me more conscious of spending, so good tip anyway.

-Cut subscriptions: $0 saved. I have no subscriptions.

-Only buy new if you will get rid of old: $0 saved, but more conscious of buying things in general, and giving old stuff if decent to people who need it.

-Use rewards programs: $0 saved, but only because I rarely buy stuff anymore. I need to keep this in mind if/when we travel again.

-Don't pay retail for clothes/eyeglasses: Technically, the tip didn't save me anything since I'd already been not buying clothes for three months, BUT if you count those three months and take the average I spent on clothing in the 17 months prior to that, by not buying clothes (except the leggings) I saved about $112 per month for three months, minus the leggings, for a total of 323.49. Pretty good! And when I'm allowed to shop for clothes again, I'm going to try thrift stores. :)

-Use Restaurant.com gift certificates bought at 80% off:
This (and having a kitchen) has helped me go from an all-time high (living by myself in the apartment) of (oh my lord this is staggering).....get ready.....$376.50 last July to between $30 and $50 a month now. (ASIDE: OH MY GOD I SPENT THREE HUNDRED SEVENTY SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS ON EATING OUT--JUST EATING OUT, NOT GROCERIES TOO, OF WHICH I PURCHASED AS WELL--IN ONE MONTH. ONE. MONTH). Wow. How far I have come. Just wow. Average this year, before the house, was about $200 per month (remember, I didn't cook, and didn't buy many groceries. But yeah, that is still A LOT). So for argument's sake, we'll say I saved $150 by eating out less and getting GC's from Restaurant.com.

-Car insurance: Since I do this every so often and it's saved me about $200 / six months, I will call that $33 saved this month.

So total, I have saved $375.49 (I only counted one month's worth of the clothing savings in there) this month. Pretty good, no?

Tip #15: Forget going to a bar - ask people over for dinner!

Doing that with friends now instead of meeting places, usually. It has saved lots of time AND money. And it's easier to talk at home on the couch than in a crowded noisy dining room. I need to work on not cooking elaborate stuff that causes me to stress out though. :/

Tip #16: Cancel any large purchases this month.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....oops. Sorry. I know I'm not supposed to be laughing at the money-saving tips, but....um....all the large purchases in our house are canceled for at least the rest of the year. We got the alarm system--much needed--but it blew our budget and cut into savings, so we are holding out on anything else. Including replacing the laptop that was stolen (especially since kind, wonderful friends gave us one that will at least get me through homework!).

Tip #17: Buy generic for stuff you don't care about.

I do this with body wash, paper towels, kleenex, peanut butter, milk (though I do care, but it tastes fine)...but I could probably do more. I will keep that in mind next time I'm at the store.

Tip #18: No Christmas gifts this year:
Our families are pretty inexpensive as far as Christmas goes, and I just can't see not giving gifts to our neices and nephews, who a) wouldn't understand and b) are just as happy with inexpensive gifts. We will opt out of adult name drawing (my side of the family) and the dirty santa game (his side) if necessary, but since we are already sparse with the giving and I am ok with who we do give to, we will keep doing Christmas. It just might be smaller than normal this year. And I think we are giving each other gifts of TIME, not things.

Tip #19 (paraphrased): Use online shopping to save money on name brand clothes, organic food, etc.

This tip just made me want to buy stuff that I wouldn't have normally...but for things I already buy this might be a good deal. Just have to watch myself and not buy stuff just because it's cute and on sale.

Tip #20: Change the date of Christmas

The gist of this is do Christmas earlier (or later) depending on when it's cheaper to fly. I don't have to fly, so this does not apply to me. I guess we could be REALLY cheap and do Christmas a couple days after the actual date, shopping the day after and saving money, but really. That's a bit too much, to me.





On to other stuff:

I think buying the house was my wake up call. I LOVE our house, I love coming home to it every day, I love the wood floors, I love the kitchen and cooking, I love that my cats are happy, that I have a bedroom separate from everything else, that I can have people over and they have somewhere to sleep, that I can host gatherings and have dinner parties, that I HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE (free from freecycle! it rocks!) and could decorate...

But most of all, I love that it forced a monumental shift in the way I spend money and think about money. I don't really miss eating out or never being home. Husband and I went out to eat on Friday night and it was insanely good because it was such a treat, BUT it was much saltier than I remembered and much greasier, and my stomach felt strange the next day (only mildly, but still). I also think I am healthier now. I lost weight from being sick (not much, but a little)--but even aside from that, I feel better, I eat better, and I'm not gaining weight anymore (which I had started doing over the summer from all the restaurant food). Also, my quality of life is SO much better--it's like night and day. Home is once again a place of solace rather than being depressing. I also don't miss spending lots of money on clothes and stuff--I have PLENTY, probably too much, clothing as it is, and not room for it all anyway. (Still weeding out).

So yay house. So far so good.

School is, however, NOT so good. I'm not doing badly (I don't think) but I HATE it. With every fiber of my being. It's stupid and pointless and not as important to me anymore what with a house and a marriage and a job, but I'm going to finish now because I only have two semesters left. I do at least like my job and engineering, which means the degree will actually help. I think I'll be glad that I have it when I finally finish. I'm becoming very, very good at just not thinking about it (...like when I started. I decided to apply, got in, and simply refused to question the decision again until I get done...maybe not always the best philosophy, but my usual way, and in this case it will work out).

The Last Two Weeks

Monday, the 20th: plumber visits, discovers that the reason for the puddle of water in the corner of our tub is a VERY SLOW LEAK...which means that EVERYTHING between the drip (at the handle for turning on water) and the corner of the shower is wet behind the wall. Now we have mildew and a hole in our bathroom wall, which requires that the bathroom door be kept shut because otherwise the cats REALLY NEED to be IN the hole, and that's just not okay with me. Which also means the bathroom is usually FREEZING in the middle of the night when I have to pee, or first thing in the morning when I get up. Also there was a bug in there this morning. It looked evil.

Thursday, the 23rd: I arrive home at 2 am after leaving at 5:30 am to cram some more for my 8:05 am test and working (from after class at 11:30 am) until 1:30 am to discover my bedroom window shattered, glass all over my floor, my cat missing, and me not knowing if burglars were still in house. I hightailed it out to my car and called 911. Long story short: friends came over, police arrived, no one in house, laptop (four-year-old, not very good laptop) stolen, friends waited with me till hubby got there. Cat was just hiding (understandably!) .We had to clean up the broken glass/board the window that night because it was the FIRST rainy, cold night of the season. Asshat burglars. I'm STILL mad.

Monday the 27th: We get alarm system that evening, but they weren't able to fully install, EVEN after staying until 1:30 AM.

Tuesday the 28th: I wake up feeling like hell. Stay home from work, alarm guy comes and finishes. Have cool new keyfobs for alarm. But HAVE to go to a lecture that night because desperately need the extra credit.

Wednesday the 29th: Alarm goes off at 9:45 am. Monitoring people call, I freak, they call cops, I call a friend to go look and I get home in a record 10 minutes. Nothing. False alarm. Doors set it off and they are all still shut. I'm pissed, go back to work. 5:30 pm, alarm goes off again. I tell them not to call police. Another friend goes and checks it out--nothing wrong. I'm still feeling shitty, feeling ragged out from two adrenaline rushes in the same day, and am still RIDICULOUSLY stressed about work. NOT A GOOD DAY. On the way home at 6:15, it goes off AGAIN. I tell them not to call cops again, because I'm only 5 minutes away. Get home, nothing. Sigh very loudly, call alarm people. They tell me they'll be out the next day at 11:30 am (which means I have to come home after class, but I sometimes do anyway, so that's ok).

Thursday (today) the 30th: go home after class, wait till 12, no one shows up. Call them and haul ASS back to work because guess what? I STILL have that huge project to do! I think something must be wrong though, I am worried about the alarm guy. He's been very prompt and/or calls ahead up till now, so I hope it's not anything serious but am afraid it might be. Am planning on having someone fix it tonight hopefully. :(

And I'm supposed to be cleaning/unpacking/organizing the house and getting stuff ready for the Halloween party we're having on Saturday. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. The house looks worse now than it did on Monday.

Side note: I got all engineer on burglar's asses and have been researching security products. Now I now want this and this. Plus I think one of my friends is giving me the dummy security cameras that came free with his real ones. HAHAHAHA that strikes me as really funny for some reason.

Bring it on, burglars. Also I thought about staking out the house (pretending to leave and leaving a tempting fake laptop lying in front of the window) but I don't think the police would be willing to expend that much time and effort. :(